Ever since about 2015 or so, the UFC has seemingly committed itself fully to running a fight card pretty much every week, rain or shine, quality be damned. And hey, let me tell you, I’m not really complaining about that – I like watching people fight. But it’s resulted in a severe watering down of the UFC product, as there are only so many good fighters to spread among so many different events.
That has only increased during the COVID-19 pandemic, with UFC continuing to run cards every week despite travel restrictions and, you know, a literal deadly virus infecting everyone. These days, fight cards are more volatile than ever: we had just seven fights on the card last week, the first time that’s happened in 15 years, because there were so many last-second changes.
But even so, Saturday night’s event seems especially brutal. The main event fight of Thiago Santos and Glover Teixeira was moved to next month after Teixeira tested positive for the coronavirus, leaving strawweights Michelle Waterson and Angela Hill in the main event. It’s a fight between fringe contenders in a thin division: Waterson has lost her last two, and Hill is also coming off a defeat.
The rest of the card isn’t much more interesting – it’s looking like the UFC is going to be overshadowed by a Bellator double-shot on Friday and Saturday. And for all we know, it’s only going to lose more fights in the next two days! So that got me thinking and looking back at some of the weakest UFC cards we’ve seen throughout the organization’s history. Here’s the short list that I came up with:
The earliest card on this list (March 10, 2000), UFC 24 featured one of the carniest stunts the UFC has ever pulled off in its history. The event was originally scheduled to be headlined by a heavyweight title match between champion Kevin Randleman and stone-fisted Brazilian badass Pedro Rizzo, a fight which was canceled while the card was already underway – Randleman somehow slipped and hit his head backstage while warming up, knocking himself unconscious.
The UFC, still controlled at the time by original owners SEG, decided to tell nobody about this until the main event was supposed to start. I’m sure that went over well with the people who paid money to see it. The de facto main event wound up being a fight between heavyweight Tedd “The Sorta Decent Splinter” Williams, who retired a few months later, and someone named Steve Judson, who recorded zero professional MMA wins. The undercard did notably feature very early UFC appearances from future champs Dave Menne and Jens Pulver, but both were more or less unknown at the time.
This fight card did include a heavyweight title fight, as well as appearances by UFC stalwarts Forrest Griffin and Chris Lytle, and the UFC debut of a young Chael Sonnen. But heavyweight championship challenger Paul Buentello was one of the most overmatched and easily forgettable fighters to ever get a look at a UFC belt, being best remembered for the cringiest post-fight interview in history.
Andrei Arlovski knocked him out in 15 seconds. Besides that, the co-main featured a guy named Sean Gannon, a Boston police officer who had gained internet notoriety for beating Kimbo Slice in a videotaped street fight – the extremely unremarkable Branden Lee Hinkle knocked him out in the first round. Ridiculous stuff!
UFC Fight Night: Evans vs. Salmon
Some guy no one’s ever heard of main-eventing in his UFC debut? That’ll get you on this list. Sean Salmon was a former Ohio State wrestler who retired in 2013 with an 18-21 overall pro record, getting knocked out 10 times. His two appearances in the UFC lasted a total combined seven minutes. And on Jan. 25, 2007, he was on the receiving end of probably the best knockout of Rashad Evans‘ career.
This knockout was sweet, but it came at the end of just a three-fight main card that was mainly built around the debut of former Pride heavyweight Heath Herring, who looked unbelievably unimpressive in a decision loss to Jake O’Brien. For additional context: the event’s poster prominently advertised Joe Rogan interviewing Quinton “Rampage” Jackson. That’s the level we were dealing with here.
UFC Fight Night: Te Huna vs. Marquardt
The UFC has been prone to put on some weaker shows when staging events in other countries, as they tend towards stacking the card with local fighters who may not be as highly ranked. A perfect example was this card, live from Auckland, New Zealand, in 2014. Although the list of fights does have an appearance from future middleweight king Robert Whittaker, his stock wasn’t the highest at the time coming off two straight losses.
The main event had native New Zealander James Te Huna, who had just been violently ejected from any conversation of light heavyweight contention, moving down to middleweight to challenge a very washed up Nate Marquardt and getting tapped out in the first round. Jared Rosholt and Soa Palelei both looked like intriguing heavyweight prospects at the time, but both turned out to be nothing. Steer clear.
UFC on Fox: Waterson vs. VanZant
This card had to be the worst night of Dana White’s life. The UFC stacked this card with all of White’s favorite prospective drawing cards – fighters who hadn’t proven anything yet but White desperately wanted to push. You had “Platinum” Mike Perry. You had Sage Northcutt. You had Paige VanZant in the main event.
And all of them lost! Perry, one of the most insane men in the world, got outpointed by male model Alan Jouban. Perfect young karate boy Northcutt lost to Mickey Gall, whose only qualification was that he was the guy who beat CM Punk. And VanZant, later of Dancing with the Stars fame, got choked unconscious by Waterson, who had her name mispronounced as “Waterman” immediately afterwards by Mike Goldberg.
It was essentially the clickbait fight card, and it exploded beautifully in Dana White’s face. Still doesn’t mean it was a good idea.
UFC Fight Night: Volkov vs. Struve
Stefan Struve in a main event? In 2017?!?! Bro!
And now we come to the COVID age. The global pandemic has messed up plenty of events this year, but few as hard as this one, back in May. This card had no fewer than ELEVEN fights canceled due to various circumstances, and the top two fights both went on at catchweights due to fighters missing weight. Middleweight Karl Roberson, who fought Marvin Vettori in the co-main, missed by over four pounds.
I also have seen Roberson fight several times and can tell you absolutely nothing about him. It’s only been a few months, and I’ve already forgotten this whole thing ever happened.
The Big Fight 